My Macrocosm: Dear Criminal,

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Dear Criminal,

That iPod you stole right out of my car was a gift from my husband. So not only have you taken away my portable music, but the portable reminder of the love we share as husband and wife. I hope you enjoy my wide selection of music. Please listen to the following songs:

-Killer is Me (Alice in Chains)

-Been Caught Stealing (Jane's Addiction)

-Guiltiness (Bob Marley)

-Temptation (New Order)

-Don't Just take it away (Yo Gabba Gabba)

The sun glasses you are now sporting were my husband's that he chose himself in Las Vegas. He likes them alot. They are polarized. Really high quality stuff. Please use the case that you also stole, to protect them from scratches.

As for the garage door opener. Not only is it scary and disturbing that you took it, but it gave us incentive to set traps all over the house. So if I were you, I wouldn't come near us again unless you have a tetanus shot handy.

Enjoy your loot. And enjoy it now, because there is a special place for you when you die. Where they don't let you listen to iPod's. You may want the sunglasses though...

13 comments:

Melissa said...: That stinks! I'm sorry. Theft makes you feel so violated. Ugh.; July 12, 2009 at 12:25 PM
leandparkermakes3 said...: Are you serious? That's all you guys need right now. I have no patience for thieves.; July 12, 2009 at 1:02 PM
acrspeech said...: Make sure you have lots of pointy nails standing straight up in your garage too!

I'll keep my eye out for a sketchy individual wearing nice polarized sun glasses (with the case) humming along to Yo Gabba Gabba on your iPod. Yeah, I know I live almost 3000 miles away, but you never know....oh and if I do see them, I stick them right smack in front of my beehive!

So sorry to hear this, but I loved the story about your zoo experience. Maybe that was your preparation for this ucky criminal one....people aren't all bad. Love you guys!; July 12, 2009 at 6:09 PM
Allison said...: oh jeez. Was your car at your house? Oddly enough, last night, the back window of my parent's car was smashed out as well by some hoodlum. Since we are in a different state, it was probably not your shade loving, Yo Gabba Gabba singin robber, but perhaps they are part of a tag team effort to get us? I hope that your homeowners will recover or replace those items for you. So sorry.; July 12, 2009 at 6:59 PM
Mindi said...: You are hysterical. I am so sorry that I am laughing after reading about this most unlaughable turn of events. But it's your fault for being so great and funny.

Ughh! I am on the lookout. Karma of biblical proportions will be making that low life wish he had picked a less angelic victim and a more upstanding profession...

xoxo,
Mindi; July 12, 2009 at 10:18 PM
Christina said...: Yikes! No fun to have your stuff taken.

Make sure you change the programing code on the garage door opener in your garage. That way if they try to open it it will not work!; July 13, 2009 at 8:49 AM
Anonymous said...: Ugh. Here's hoping for more encounters with people like the lady at the zoo...; July 13, 2009 at 9:46 AM
Jergs Family said...: You are the only person that I know that could come up with something so clever after having your personal space violated. I love your humor, Lisa - and am so sorry for this horrible experience. Like everyone else has said, just try to remember that there are a lot of people out there like the zoo lady who can always renew our faith in goodness! Love you guys!; July 13, 2009 at 9:16 PM
Amy West said...: I am so sorry you had to go through such a violation at a time when you are already dealing with so much. I got your blog address from a fellow member of the hopeforhlhs group when I asked for information about people going through issues with excessive drainage and have appreciated your candiness in your posts.

We too, much like the fontan drainage issues (but not as extreme as yours) had our truck broke into when I had my son. They took all my bags of clothes, laptop and much more. We had just begun our HLHS journey and it was something I will never get over.

Best wishes for your son and family. He is adorable!; July 14, 2009 at 4:21 PM
Grandma Ann said...: Hi Lisa,
Wow...sounds like you have been through it again. I haven't checked blogs for quite a while. I am glad that you are home and that Jack is doing better.
Sorry about your personal belongings being stolen. I wish people had a clue. So Sorry.
Alex just had his first "New Heart Birthday" on Saturday, July 11. We are so blessed.
Take care,
Grandma Ann (Alexander Douglas Stewart-HLHS-Transplant-2008); July 14, 2009 at 5:16 PM
jenngabbi said...: Great passage..hopefully the idiots got a business card with your website on it so that they can read this! LOVE IT!; July 27, 2009 at 2:51 PM
Lindz said...: That is so crappy! I am sorry about that!! You have had such a "fun" summer, haven't you!?!?!; July 28, 2009 at 12:06 PM
Michael and Krista said...: I mean really, who are these people?! So sorry! Your writing is perfect though and cheered me up on a very crappy day.; January 5, 2010 at 8:21 PM

Current Jack Quote:

12/12/12

"Mom, this is how you get a baby: you cut a hole in your stomach the shape of an egg. Then you swallow an egg. It lands in the hole.. then grows into a baby."

02/02/12

‎"Jack, who drew this picture for you?"
"Victoria."
"She drew a picture that says 'I love you' and gave it to you?"
"Yeah. It was kind of awkward."

12/23/11

"Mom, if I'm bad and Santa comes and brings me a giant rock, I'll be so excited to climb on it! I hope that happens some day."

10/27/11

(at the Primary Program rehearsal, Jack got up to say his part that he memorized, but then, gave an unexpected shout-out..)

"Prophets prophesied about the life of Jesus Christ. I LOVE YOU JESUS CHRIST!"

10/13/11

"Mom, what's a "herd"?"

"It is a group of the same species."

"Oh. Like Lib and Soph." (My friends twin daughters.)

10/02/11

(While watching Toy Story 3)

Me: "Look, Molly is holding the monkey."

Jack: (under his breath) "I hate that monkey."

10/01/11

"Mom, I put my blue jay in the closet to keep him safe from creditors."

Good move, Jack. They're bad people.

09/28/11

"Can a candle glow in daylight?"

If a tree falls in a forest...

09/28/11

"Mom, is it time for school yet?"

"Jack, it's 11:00 now, school starts at 12:15."

(short pause)

"There's not enough hands on the clock."

So true, Jack. So true.

09/12/11

While embracing both Josh and I, "We're like a REAL family!!"

09/11/11

"Mom, did you know Jesus is nocturnal?"

08/23/11

"Guess what mom, I almost cleaned my room."

Guess what Jack, I almost bought you a toy."

07/21/11

"Mommy, my tummy is grumbling so loudly I think it's gonna SCAPLODE!!"

05/03/11

"Jack, why didn't you have show and tell today at school?"

"Well, we had to work- ..... it's a long story."

I hear ya, buddy.

03/28/11

"Someday, you'll make a great mom."

Thanks, Buddy.

02/14/11

"Brr MOM IT'S COLD!!"

"I'll turn on the heat."

"I wish I was in an egg shell and you could sit on me to keep me warm."

02/13/11

"Jack, do you know the story of Noah's Ark?"
"No.."
(tell story)
"...so, the rains came down, and the floods came up."
"Who made the flood?"
"God."
(moment of deduction..)
"Soooo, GOD made our BASEMENT FLOOD?!"

01/23/11

(in Jack's prayer..)

"Please bless that dada will come back.."

Amen, Jack. Amen.

12/29/2010

"I wish we could take a star out of the sky to put on top of our tree.."

12/16/10

(I hear a little toot...)

"Jack what was that.."

"It was my Bum talking to me."

"What did it say.."

"It said 'Hurry up Jack! You're gonna be late for school!"

12/15/10

(After seeing a puppy that was named 'Jack')

"Mommy, that was me when I a was a dog."

10/17/10

"I need to eat breakfast or my tummy will pop like a balloon."

09/08/10

Me: "Jack, it's going to start getting cold outside."

Jack: "Is it going to Fall?"

Me: "...Yes, it is going to be Fall."

Jack: "I can't wait for it to Fall. Then I can Halloween."

(Jack is turning nouns into verbs.)

09/10/10

"What is this for?"

"It's to help mommy try and have a baby."

"I know how you can get a baby, just ask Kelly!"

(My sister-in-law, who has had 4 babies..)

08/10/10

(while jumping on my bed)

Me: "Jack, please stop."

Jack: "But mommy, just let me play. I'm really good at playing here."

06/08/10

Jack: "Where are we going?"

Us: "Home."

Jack: "Why?"

Us: "To check on the basement."

Jack: "But the basement is dead!"

06/05/10

"Mommy! I just did an arabesque!"

05/30/10

(arriving in Snow Canyon, St. George UT)

Jack: "Mommy! We're in Radiator Springs!!"

05/20/10

(after a bout of silence riding home in the car..)

Jack: "Mommy? .... Do you like sugarplums?"

05/18/10

(putting Jack to bed)

Jack:"Mommy I want some juice.."

Me: "Jack, every time you drink juice before bed you pee your pants- in fact, you pee your pants even when you DON'T drink juice before bed."

Jack: "That's my point."

05/15/10

"Mommy, your plants are doomed."

05/08/10

Jack: "Mommy why are the hairs on top of your head white?"

Me: (utter sadness...)

05/03/10

Me: "Jack it's almost time for bed."

Jack: "Don't be ridiculous."

04/01/10

ME: "Jack, will you please close the refrigerator door.... Jack... please, please shut the fridge door.."

JACK: "Save your batteries, mom."

ME: (Speechless. Jaw dropped to the floor.)

03/25/10

"Mommy, I lost my noise."

(Jack, at 6am, woken with a hoarse cough.)

03/17/10

(After waking up from a nap on the airplane:)

"Mommy, my schwet is wet."

03/15/10

Jack: "I like your bum mommy, it's so smacky."

02/28/10

Jack: "Mommy? ...said Eva. Can I have some more Juice?"

Me: "Sure, Eva."

Jack: "....said Mommy."