Old Fogey.

This is a list of the top ten things I frequently say that make me sound, feel, and probably look Old.

1. "Chew your food into small pieces."

I have to say this for a couple of reasons, one, is that I do honestly believe your body can absorb the nutrition it needs by helping out the digestive system by chewing your food well. Also, Jack once had a poopy diaper with WHOLE olives in it, and since then I've noticed he'll typically swallow things whole if he can get them down.

2. "Stay out of the street!"

I remember having this yelled at me. By all sorts of people. A also remember thinking 'Duh, I'm not going to get hit by a car.' But honestly not only is it dangerous, but it's just annoying. I hate driving down the street where there are a bunch of kids and it takes them forever to clear out of my way.

3. "Did you wipe?"

This is something that shouldn't even have to be asked. But for some reason, kids don't mind walking away from the toilet dirty. Nevermind the fact they don't flush, but they take part of the experience WITH them and I have problems with that. So I make a note to ask. Every time.

4. "Kids and their damn cell phones."

Every. Single. Time. I encounter a stupid move on the road, it's usually some teenager texting away on their cell phone. Or they are talking too loudly on it in inappropriate places, or on it during dinner, or any of the other rules I mentioned here.

5. "When I was your age.."

This often comes up when Jack's DS dies, or something. We'll be in the car and whatever entertainment he has gets old, or the battery dies, I have to pull out the 'when I was your age, we just looked out the windows.' Although, this comes out way MORE than just in the car.

6. "Walk! Don't run."

It freaks me out so much to see wobbly little kids who aren't aware of their surroundings, stumbling around on concrete or asphalt and about to fall flat on their faces. Ugh, makes my stomach turn. Road rash is no one's friend.

7. "Don't stand so close to the TV!"

We already have guaranteed Jack some horrible eyes, destined for lasik, but it's the SIZE of the television and the weensie-ness of Jack that makes me think that TV could smash him in a second.

8. "Because I said so."

You really don't understand this one, till you're a parent. Because when you are a kid, you want to know the REAL REASON WHY you were asked to do something. Like, "go wash your hands" for example. Forget the fact that you need to wash your hands, I am your MOTHER and I ASKED YOU to DO IT, and YOU DO WHAT I ASK. That's why.

9. "Don't go outside with your head wet."

I still don't know if this is a proven fact- that you will get sick if your head is wet and you go outside. But I'm not about to take any chances.

10. "Who is Justin Bieber?"

I still don't know if this kid is a singer or an actor or what. But I just figure he is a female version of Miley Cyrus and assume that is accurate.